


making it right

by itsmylifekay



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Violence, Past Child Abuse, so minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-27 12:35:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21392251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmylifekay/pseuds/itsmylifekay
Summary: Eddie knows he’s in trouble the second he sets foot in the firehouse.But nothing could prepare him for how Buck looks up against the wall, not able to meet Eddie's eyes because Eddie's the one who put him there. He'll do anything in his power to make it right again.Or, Eddie shoves Buck in a heated moment and then spends the next few days fixing his mistake. Angst and honesty ensue.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 54
Kudos: 1186





	making it right

**Author's Note:**

> thank you @catching_paper_moons for the beta and support!

Eddie knows he’s in trouble the second he sets foot in the firehouse. 

He’d been in a fight the night before and Buck’s eyes snap immediately to the scrape on his forehead and the big bruise on his forearm. They’re honestly not the worst of it and just the thought of Buck’s face if he sees what Eddie’s got hidden under his shirt is enough to make him shudder.

“Hey man.” He smiles and hopes Buck lets it go. All he wants is to get on with the day and forget last night entirely. He had won the fight, but the other guy had gotten in a few too many good hits for Eddie’s liking. He was going to be sore for days. 

He goes into the locker room and is relieved when Buck doesn't follow him. The feeling is short lived though, because Buck is waiting for him right outside the door. He pushes off the wall and his eyes immediately start cataloguing every visible mark on Eddie’s skin.

He hates it. Hates that it makes him feel guilty, and exposed, and scared, and somehow all of those feelings just boil down to anger. At himself for doing something so stupid. And at Buck for sticking his nose into anything and everything, caring so much about Eddie’s safety when he doesn’t give a shit about his own, when he hadn’t given a shit about anyone when he filed that stupid lawsuit.

“Eddie, man, what happened?” Buck asks, concern evident in his face. “And don't tell me it was roughhousing again because last time I checked Christopher doesn’t hit people in the face.”

“Last time  _ I  _ checked you haven’t even seen Christopher since the tsunami.” 

He immediately feels bad at the way Buck flinches, but pushes it down with thoughts of the lawsuit and Buck pulling away and all the righteous anger he’d harbored for weeks that Buck had let them down.

Buck takes a breath, nods. “You’re right, I haven’t. And I'm sorry. But that still doesn’t answer my question.” 

Leave it to Buck to just not know when to stop. And Eddie can’t deal with this right now. Because if Buck knows what really happened, how Eddie got hurt, Eddie  _ knows  _ he’ll be pissed. He’ll try to make him stop. And Eddie can’t stop, not when he still has so much anger crackling just beneath the surface of his skin.

“It’s not any of your business, Buckley.” 

He tries to turn away, but Buck just moves with him, still with that horrible, concerned look on his face that’s making Eddie see red.

“Anything that’s hurting you is my business, Eddie,” he says. “That’s what having your back means. We’re a  _ team,  _ you don’t have to deal with whatever this is alone.”

And that, that’s enough to make Eddie snap. Because where was all this talk of  _ team  _ after the tsunami, after Buck found out Bobby was the one holding him back. Where was it when Christopher was having nightmares and Eddie felt so lost and alone and helpless and  _ furious  _ at the world that he snapped at some random asshole and ended up in jail. 

All of those feelings surge back up to the surface and he steps forward, jabs a finger into Buck’s chest. 

“We may be part of a team, and I may have forgiven you for the stunt you pulled, but that doesn’t mean I trust you.” Buck doesn’t move and Eddie barrels on, feels the anger building and building with nowhere to go. “Why would I tell you all my shit? So you can go tell some other asshole lawyer?”

Buck is still just standing there, shoulders squared and now looking vaguely murderous. Which, good, now Eddie doesn’t have to feel so bad about what he says next. 

“It’s not like you cared before, when Chris needed you, when  _ I  _ needed you. You just left and didn’t give a damn about who you hurt in the process.”

Buck takes another step closer, bringing them nearly chest to chest as he growls, “You know damn well I care about the two of you. I didn’t know you were struggling and for that, I’m sorry. But for someone who said they forgave me, you sure don’t seem like you have. Yeah, I made a stupid decision, but I made it because I thought it would get me back to you, to my  _ family.  _ So if you have something you want to get off your chest, just say it!”

Their voices have definitely gotten too loud at this point, attracted too much attention, and Eddie knows he can’t let this go any further, can’t let the anger turn him into something he’s not. So he takes a step back, says, “I’ve got nothing else to say to you,” and turns away.

He’s not expecting the hand that shoots out and catches his arm, and he’s certainly not expecting the way his own body moves, arm catching Buck in the chest and shoving him away. He hits the wall with a loud bang and Eddie waits for him to stride forward, to get back up in Eddie’s space and refuse to back down. But Buck doesn’t move, just stays frozen up against the wall and Eddie watches in horror as a bit of blood trickles down the side of his face.

“ _ Dios mio _ , Buck.” It feels like the floor has fallen out from beneath his feet. He hardly registers the sudden appearance of Hen and Bobby, just stands there and doesn’t try to shrug off the hand Bobby puts on his shoulder. Holding him back.  _ Restraining.  _ God, he wants to be sick.

He hadn’t even been thinking when he shoved him. He hadn’t even put in that much strength, either, which honestly makes it so much worse. Because the only reason Buck hit the wall so hard is that he  _ wasn’t expecting it.  _ He didn’t think Eddie would ever actually try and hurt him. The shame he feels at the thought almost sends him to his knees. 

“I’m so sorry, I didn't mean—”

He reaches forward but stops when Buck visibly flinches, eyes trained somewhere on the floor and pointedly not looking in Eddie’s direction. Eddie’s heart sinks. He lets his arm fall. A small, shaking part of himself whispers he might’ve just ruined everything.

Hen puts herself between Eddie and Buck’s line of sight and says something that Eddie can’t quite hear, but Buck nods, lets Hen get a hand under one of his arms and lead him away. Eddie watches them disappear down the hall and finally collapses against the wall, puts his face in his hands and wonders just how badly he’s fucked everything up.

“I don’t know what exactly started all of this. But I don’t think I need to tell you that I won’t tolerate that kind of behavior in my firehouse.”

Eddie pulls his hands away at Bobby’s words, forces himself to meet his eyes. “I know.”

Bobby stares at him for a moment, no doubt taking in just how terrible he looks. He shakes his head. “I also shouldn’t need to tell you that Buck doesn’t deserve that.”

“I know,” he says again. “I messed up. I never meant to hurt him.”

Bobby gives him another long look. Eddie stares down at the ground, unable to meet his eyes when he knows all of this is his fault.

“Whatever’s going on with you, it stops here. Is that clear?”

Eddie nods. “Yes, sir.”

Bobby walks away, towards the sound of voices in the common space, and it strikes Eddie suddenly that he has an entire shift ahead of him. An entire shift with he and Buck and the rest of the crew locked in relatively tight quarters. He knows he’s going to get looks as soon as he steps out of the hallway, but he’s most worried about Buck. All he wants is to beg for forgiveness, take him home and sit on the couch with Christopher and watch movies, forget any of the last month even happened.

But he knows life’s not that easy.

Something that’s only confirmed when they get their first call and the truck is cloaked in awkward silence, Buck sitting like he’s ready to bolt any second but trying not to be obvious about it, everyone else pretending nothing is amiss. Thankfully, the call is uneventful and Eddie is careful to give Buck his space, trying to project how sorry he is by making himself small and unassuming.

They only get one serious call the entire shift and Eddie’s heart breaks a little more when Bobby splits them up, sends Buck and Hen in with the Jaws of Life and has Eddie with Chim checking over the passengers of another car involved in the pileup. He understands, and doesn’t fight it, but it just makes him feel even more lost and out of control. He feels anger start to build up in the pit of his stomach as helplessness overtakes him.

Their time at the firehouse is a bit better, at least. Eddie goes to the gym, but can’t quite bring himself to approach the punching bag, settles for free weights and pushing himself so hard that sweat drips down his back and his muscles scream for mercy. Buck is no doubt somewhere with Hen or Chimney, trying to pretend everything is normal and most likely feeling bad for making a scene. His place back at the station is still shaky after the lawsuit and the last thing Eddie needed to do was create more waves.

He finishes his workout when someone pokes their head in telling him Bobby’s making dinner, takes his anger to the shower and tries to drown it out under hot water and steam. It doesn’t work. It  _ never  _ works. And that just makes him even angrier.

So the anger stays, nestled up like a burning, toxic ball right beneath his heart as he dries off and joins the team for dinner. He pauses when he sees the table, takes in the way Buck is sitting between Bobby and Hen and forces himself not to stare, pulls out a chair for himself and smiles halfheartedly as conversation swirls around him.

Buck hasn’t been back for that long, but they’d already gotten back into the habit of sitting together at meals, bumping shoulders and invading each others space, the occasional press of thighs that always sent heat racing down Eddie’s spine. Now he just feels cold. Empty.

He’s already lost Buck too many times, has felt the pain and frustration that comes along with that and let it consume him. But this time it’s his fault. There’s no one to be angry at but himself.

Buck had been trying to fix them, and Eddie had broken them more.

He stares down at his hands. 

Does he even deserve Buck anymore? Does he deserve his concern? His friendship? Does he deserve to see him soft and vulnerable after a long shift, or smiling after Chim’s said something stupid, or crying when a call goes wrong?

Can he trust himself not to hurt him again?

Right now, he feels like the answer is no, and it guts him. Leaves him feeling empty and raw.

And a horrible part of himself is still angry with Buck, for the lawsuit, for leaving, for making Eddie go through things alone. He feels guilty for what he’s done, feels ashamed, feels so fucking confused because sometimes when Buck looks at him he swears he sees the same mess of emotions reflected back at him. There was a time he thought Buck felt the same way, that they both just needed time to get to a better place before taking that next step together. But he doesn’t see how that could possibly happen now.

He meets Buck’s eyes only once during dinner, looks up and happens to catch Buck watching him from across the table, but neither of them do anything to acknowledge it. Buck turns back to Hen and Eddie looks back down at his food, finishes eating without actually tasting anything.

He volunteers to clean up after, feels like some kind of penance, and is actually relieved when Bobby follows him into the kitchen looking like he’s about to give Eddie another warning on professional conduct and getting his shit in line.

Eddie beats him to it, starts filling the sink and clears his throat. “You’re right,” he says. “I need to stop. But I don’t know how.” He looks up at Bobby and hopes he can see just how much this day has wrecked him. “Which is why I’m going to ask for a few days off, even though I don’t deserve them. I need to get my head on right and I don’t think I can do that here.”

He turns back to the sink and adds soap, starts washing and feels Bobby’s eyes boring into his back. His shoulders inch higher with each passing second.

Finally, Bobby sighs. “It’s not about deserving, Eddie. It’s about trying to make things right. I’ll give you the days off, but I expect this to be taken care of, and I expect you to make things right with Buck.”

Eddie nods into the sink, freezes when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“And we’re all a team here. If there’s anything we can do to help, let us know.”

Eddie goes home that day and immediately buries his face in Christopher’s hair, holds him close and tries to ignore the knowing look Carla shoots him as she heads out the door. Christopher just smiles and hugs him back, asks about his day, if he saw Buck, if they put out any fires. It’s innocent and pure and simple and for that brief moment Eddie feels  _ good  _ again. Feels like the man he wants to be.

He lets go of Christopher and ruffles his hair, “No fires today, bud. Now how about we get you ready for bed? You can tell me about your day while you’re in the bath.”

And as he listens to Christopher talk about school and playing with friends and making playdoh animals with Carla, he comes to the realization that he’s at a turning point in his life. He can choose to stay angry and fight everything in the world until his knuckles bleed and his spirit breaks, or he can fight the anger and try to fix everything that’s brought him to this moment. 

The answer is obvious and as soon as he puts Christopher to bed he starts looking into therapists, checking veteran groups online, and makes a solemn promise to himself to never set foot in that fighting ring again.

The next few days are some of the most difficult of his life.

He’s rarely taken the time to look within him the way he does then, staring into the face of all his decisions and wondering what lead to them, if they were the right ones. He thinks of Afghanistan and Shannon, of that man in the park and his fight with Buck in the grocery store, he thinks about why he became a firefighter, thinks about why he became a father. 

He thinks about Buck.

He thinks about his blue eyes and goofy smile, his broad shoulders and the way he makes Eddie feel. Nervous. Afraid.  _ Hopeful _ . That’s probably the most dangerous one of all.

When he returns to the firehouse for his next shift, he feels like he’s ready to start moving forward. He’s getting a handle on himself and his emotions and he’s got a therapy appointment scheduled for early next week. It’s not perfect, but it’s something. And Eddie clings to that as he sees Buck sitting next to Hen on the couch, engrossed in a video game and unaware of Eddie’s arrival. 

They look so normal that Eddie lets himself forget for just a moment that as soon as Buck turns around it’s all going to come crashing down. He watches, sighs, then turns to go find something else to do, deciding to give Buck as much space as he can until Eddie can properly apologize.

He meets Bobby in the hall and they nod to each other, Eddie feeling a small spark of pride at Bobby’s approval, the small smile he’d gotten for his obvious lack of bruises and the lessening of the bags under his eyes.

“I’m going to talk to him later,” he says, before he loses the chance. “I’m going to apologize. I don't know if it’ll fix anything, but I’m going to keep trying until I find something that does.”

“You’ve both been through a hell of a lot together, and Buck is a good kid.” He reaches out and puts a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, squeezes. “You’ll get there. Just give it time.”

Eddie wants to say more, wants to ask for some advice, but their conversation is cut short by the sound of the alarm. The station comes to life, everyone running to get ready and load the truck, and Eddie throws himself into it. If there’s one thing he can do to prove himself, it’s his job.

He and Buck run into each other briefly while getting dressed and Eddie watches a number of emotions flicker over Buck’s face before he settles on a smile, something a little too tight around the edges.

“Hey man, glad you’re back.” His eyes track over Eddie’s face, his arms, any bit of exposed skin he can see. There are still a few bruises, but they’re old, fading, and Buck’s shoulders loosen just a fraction. 

Eddie tries to return his smile. “Yeah, good to be back.”

They don’t have time for anything more than that and neither of them is willing to start anything over the intercom in the truck. So they sit across from each other on the ride and Eddie gives Hen what he hopes is his best ‘I know I fucked up and I’m going to fix it’ look. She just sighs and shakes her head, mumbles something under her breath that Eddie can’t catch but looks suspiciously like ‘ _ idiots’ _ .

The call is a minor apartment fire that they have under control in under an hour, all the residents alive and grumbling unhappily outside the complex. There’s nothing but a few minor cases of smoke inhalation and only a couple of the rooms have significant damage. As they’re standing around waiting for the okay to head back to the station, Eddie hears Buck laughing and turns to find him standing with one of the residents, helmet held loosely in one hand and face slightly flushed from being in full gear in the heat.

Something aches in his chest and he looks away, goes back to the truck and climbs into the back to wait. It just figures that Buck would be the next to climb in as well. He freezes momentarily when he sees it’s just the two of them, but covers it quickly with a surprised laugh. 

“Hiding out?”

Eddie nods. “Something like that. The sun was getting ridiculous.”

“Tell me about it.” Buck wipes some sweat from his forehead and flops down in a seat. “I’m ready to go back to air conditioning.”

“Did anyone say how much longer it’s looking?”

“Bobby said we could start packing up, that’s why I came in.” He looks up at the ceiling and huffs out a breath. “The others are just taking their sweet time, I guess.”

Eddie hears the tension behind the last words and bites his tongue. The last thing he wants is for Buck to feel trapped. For a moment, he contemplates finding an excuse to get up and leave, but the rest of the team thankfully chooses that moment to climb in the truck themselves, keeping up whatever conversation they’d had going outside and filling the silence. He and Buck join in eventually and some semblance of normalcy returns to the day, but it’s short lived as they all part ways as soon as they get to the station.

Buck and Hen return to whatever game they’d been playing on the couch and Eddie goes to the gym to sweat out some of the tension. The alarm stays silent and eventually Eddie knows he needs to go apologize, nervous or not. No amount of bicep curls are going to prepare him for the tiny trace of fear hidden in Buck’s eyes.

The game is still on when he walks in, but Hen pauses it when she sees him. She puts down the controller and pats Buck’s leg, tells him something about getting water and leaves them alone. Eddie stays on the opposite side of the room.

“Is this okay?” he asks, gesturing between the two of them. “I can ask her to come back in, if you want.”

Buck scoffs and rolls his eyes. “I’m not afraid of you, Eddie.” He fiddles with the controller in his hands. “It’s not like I think you’re gonna just deck me for no reason.”

“I won’t,” Eddie promises. He walks a bit closer but makes sure to leave a piece of furniture between them. “But I still need to apologize for what I did. It was uncalled for.”

Buck shrugs. “You didn’t mean to.”

There’s still a scab near his temple from where he’d hit the locker room sign.

“That doesn’t make it right, Buck,” Eddie says. “I didn’t like that you were looking for answers and took things out on you. Even if I hadn’t pushed you, I was wrong to say those things to you. So, I’m sorry.”

Buck nods, stares at the ground. “You meant it though,” he says. “All those things you said. You don’t trust me anymore. And I  _ should’ve  _ been there for you and Chris, that one’s on me.” 

Eddie sighs. “We’ve both made mistakes. The difference is you handled yours without lashing out.” He pauses and waits until Buck looks up, catches his eyes and makes sure to them as he says, “And I  _ didn't  _ mean all those things I said. I was angry and upset and made some pretty stupid decisions. Been making a lot of those, lately.”

“Okay,” Buck says. “Are you going to tell me about them?”

“Yes, if you’ll let me.” Eddie watches the surprise flicker across Buck’s face. “If you’re free, I was hoping you could come over after our shift.”

Buck’s eyes are wide, but he nods. “Yeah, sure, I’m free.” He looks down at his hands then back up at Eddie. “Will Christopher be there?”

“He’s staying over at his abuela’s tonight.” He runs a hand through his hair and tries not to look as nervous as he feels. “I figure it’d be better if we could talk without worrying about him overhearing. But if you’re not doing anything Saturday, he’s been wanting someone to take him to this new park across town.”

“Yeah, of course. I’d love to.”

Eddie nods. “Alright, then.”

“Alright, then,” Buck echoes, still looking a bit look he’s just been hit over the head. He glances up at the clock then at Eddie, fingers flexing around the controller in his hand before he reaches out and grabs the one Hen left on the cushions, holds it out over the back of the couch. “You can fill in until Hen gets back.”

Eddie reaches out and takes the controller for the peace offering it is, settles cautiously on the couch half a cushion away from Buck and tries to figure out what the hell is going on as soon as Buck hits the un-pause button.

He makes it maybe five minutes before falling off a ledge and Buck laughs, plows on ahead while Eddie waits for his character to re-spawn. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Hen standing in the doorway, watching the both of them with a small smile on her face. 

He’s distracted just enough that he doesn’t see his character come back, doesn’t see the arrow that goes right through his head. Buck barks out another laugh and Hen takes the opportunity to storm back in, snatch the controller out of Eddie’s hands and show him how it’s done.

The rest of the shift is much easier after that. Even when they get a few more calls, the truck isn’t filled with so much tense silence, and everyone seems to relax when they see Buck and Eddie once again in mostly the same orbit. It gives him hope for the conversation coming later on. But he still knows it isn’t going to be easy.

Buck follows him home after their shift and it’s amazing how familiar and foreign it feels as they walk inside, take off coats and walk into the kitchen so Eddie can get them each a glass of water. For a long time, Buck felt like just another part of the Diaz home. And he still does, just less like a part of the foundation and more like a piece of glass that Eddie is terrified of breaking.

They stand on opposite sides of the kitchen counter and let silence settle around them for a few minutes before Eddie clears his throat.

“So, I owe you an explanation.”

Buck rubs his finger through the condensation on his glass. “You don’t owe me anything, Eddie. If you don’t want to tell me, don’t.” He looks up and fixes Eddie with a pointed stare. “But I do want to hear it, and I want to help you, if telling me is what you actually want to do.”

“I do want to tell you,” Eddie says. “I’ve wanted to for awhile, it just got so messed up and then I felt like I  _ couldn’t _ , like I’d gone too far.”

“What happened?”

Eddie swallows. “I was so angry, Buck. At everything.” His voice is low, almost a whisper, and he sees Buck lean forward to hear him better.

“It felt like everything was going wrong at once. You were hurt, Shannon was gone, then the fucking tsunami. I almost lost you and Christopher,” his voice breaks and he clears his throat again, forces himself to continue. “And Chris, he kept getting these nightmares. He’d ask for you and I couldn’t do anything because of the lawsuit. I felt like I’d lost you even if the tsunami hadn’t taken you away. I felt worthless. I couldn’t help my son. I couldn’t help you. I couldn’t do anything to protect my  _ family _ .”

Buck sucks in a breath and Eddie looks away, can’t bear to look him in the eyes as he admits the truth.

“I felt out of control. I beat up a guy who hassled me in a parking lot and Lena had to come bail me out of jail. I told her what was happening and she said she had an idea that might help.” He curls his hands around the edge of the counter. “She showed me a street fighting ring. And at first it was just to watch, but— I don’t know. It felt like I finally had a way to be in control again, to  _ win.  _ I could let out all my anger and not take it home with me. But I did, Buck. I never let that anger go, not really. And I don’t think I know how to.”

He hears Buck take a step closer and then a hand curls around one of his own, gently pries at where he’s still gripping the counter so hard his knuckles are white.

“I’m not going to tell you how stupid it was to go out fighting, because I think you know,” Buck says. “But I  _ am  _ going to tell you that I’m mad. I’m mad that that’s how you were trying to solve your problems and I’m mad that you called me selfish for going through with the lawsuit when you were doing something like this.”

The words sting, but Eddie knows he’s right. Buck’s thumb worms its way beneath Eddie’s palm; his fingers wrap gently around his own.

“But I’m also going to tell you that I missed you and that I’m sorry you had to go through all that alone. And I’m glad you told me, because now I can help,” he gives Eddie’s hand a squeeze. “I’ve always got your back, man, no matter what.”

Eddie smiles and feels tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, brings up one hand to scrub at his face. “I’m getting help, too. I called a therapist. I have an appointment set up for next week. I just—” his voice breaks. “I just want us to be  _ us  _ again. And I’m so sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you either, when you needed me.”

Buck lets go of his hand and Eddie hears quick footsteps coming around the counter, followed moments later by two arms coming around him and pulling him into a warm, solid chest. He buries his face into the crook of Buck’s shoulder and lets the tears fall, takes a few shaky breaths before he realizes Buck is crying too, silent and hidden against the top of Eddie’s head, only the slight hitch in his breathing giving him away.

Eddie looks up and Buck blinks back a few tears, turns his face away and sniffles once. It makes something inside him ache and he can’t stop himself, reaches up to wipe a few of the tears away.

“I know I’m not the only one who’s been hurting,” he says quietly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Buck sniffles again and Eddie feels the arms around him tighten.

“Or we could go sit on the couch? Christopher and I always feel better after a good cuddle.”

Buck huffs out a bit of a laugh. “Well if it works for Christopher…”

They make their way out to the living room and Eddie finds a comfortable position against the armrest, looking up at Buck once he’s done and holding out an arm.

“You coming?”

There’s a faint flush to his cheeks that Eddie studiously ignores, hands gentle as he helps Buck get settled across his chest, legs tangled and bodies pressed close in the tight space. He feels Buck’s next exhale across his throat.

It’s awkward only for a moment, Buck tense and Eddie unsure of himself until he decides to take a chance, threads his fingers through Buck’s hair and has to bite back a smile at the way Buck immediately goes boneless against him. He’s not sure how long they stay like that, but he’s starting to drift off when he feels Buck shift and press his lips into the fabric of his shirt.

“I was really worried about you,” he whispers, almost as if he’s hoping Eddie is asleep. “I missed you and I just wanted things to go back to normal, but then you kept pushing me away. I didn’t know what to do.”

The air conditioner kicks on and Eddie sighs, holds Buck a little closer. “I’m sorry.”

Buck shifts again and Eddie wonders if he’s listening to his heart, face pressed as it is right above his chest. They both breathe in and out, into the silence.

“My dad used to push me, sometimes.”

The words are so soft, spoken so naturally, that it takes Eddie a moment to register what they mean. But when they do, he feels them like a wash of cold water through his veins.

He sucks in a breath and tries to move, but Buck just holds him tighter.

“I know you’re not my dad and I know you weren’t trying to hurt me. I just get confused, sometimes.” He’s still got his face buried in the fabric of Eddie’s shirt and his fingers tangle there, too. “And it’s okay, I forgive you. So stop beating yourself up about it.”

Eddie still doesn’t know what to say, can’t get words to come to his lips, so he settles for staring up at the ceiling, willing his tears away so he won’t disrupt how Buck has settled so securely against his chest. If Buck can feel safe in this moment, in Eddie’s arms, then he isn’t going to do  _ anything  _ to jeopardize it.

He runs his fingers carefully through Buck’s hair, splays his other hand warm and solid against his back. Buck sighs softly and his fingers loosen in Eddie’s shirt, entire body going a bit heavier, a bit more lax.

He’s not expecting it when Buck nuzzles closer and asks, “Hey, Eddie?” 

His voice thick with sleep and Eddie hums quietly in response.

“You’re not going to make me get up, are you?”

Eddie laughs softly, makes soothing sounds when Buck grumbles at being displaced by the motion. They resettle quickly, Eddie’s fingers back to making gentle passes through Buck’s hair.

“No,  _ querido _ ,” he murmurs. “You can stay. For as long as you want.”

He feels Buck hum against him, fingers flexing ticklishly-light against Eddie’s side before going still. His breaths even out and his body goes heavy.

Eddie lets his own eyes slip shut.

\--

“Bucky!”

Christopher’s excited squeal is what wakes him, eyes fluttering open and body shifting before he notes the solid weight pressing him into the couch cushions. Buck is still draped across his chest and snoring softly, completely unaware of the small ball of energy on a direct collision course with his side.

He smiles as Christopher crashes into them, makes sure he has a good hold on Buck to keep him from falling off as he groans and readjusts, one arm slipping between Eddie’s side and the couch so he can lever himself up enough to take in the scene:

The two of them still tangled together on the couch. Christopher eagerly tugging at Buck’s arm to try and encourage him awake. Abuela standing, smirking, in the doorway.

Buck makes a pained sound and falls back onto Eddie’s chest, buries his face in his neck where Eddie can feel him smile.

He has a feeling they’re going to be just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr, same username


End file.
